he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
