I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
