You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
