I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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