I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
