HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
