i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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