remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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