I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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