I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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