i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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