hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
