smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
