420 ftw
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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