Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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