New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
3pm strippers are depressing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
