Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
