Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
