I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
