ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
