Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is Oprah even human
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
