ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
