yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
