Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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