Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
