Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
