you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
