i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
whose ass print is on the piano?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
