My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dignity is for republicans.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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