is your mom at the bar?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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