you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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