dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
