I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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