I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
