Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
