I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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