Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
