I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
