my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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