I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
