just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
