see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
