Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
