If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
