I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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