whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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