Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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