I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
