also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
bring money and cleavage
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
