Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
