i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
