Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
