So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
