Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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