omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
