She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
